These poems were written in my journal over the course of several months, all random and not in order, but as I read through them, I realized there was woven a beautiful story, our story. So enjoy:
First Death
The trees have wilted
and I find I'm pitted
Against beauty itself
Struck now by this beastly death,
And my eyes cannot find the one who took my breath
away;
Eternal day has ended and no more will I dwell in
Splendid bliss
I miss a home already so forgotten,
For I have chosen a life that turned rotten
within
Infecting my soul
I've gone cold from the madness within
Where is this one with a gaze of fire?
I'm broken and guilty,
I'm tied up on the pyre,
Being killed for the garden I have set ablaze,
Yet I'd take it all back just to see your face again;
My God, I'm sorry
The Long Fall Away
Crumbled brick walls
And broken glass alleys
The company I kept
As love lost its way
Childhood a shadow,
Your promises flickered in the fickle
Shadow of a burnt out candle
I walked away framed by dusty windows
Of a life I left behind
The hills we once ran among
Have long since turned to ash
The sunlight is hidden by smoke
And the melodies we sung now seem only to clash
I sought the company of city lights
And of lives that shimmered by
But among the thousand voices of the restless night
I ached for the fire of your forgotten eyes
How did I forget what childhood meant?
All that carefree joy seemed prematurely spent
In restless nights and panicked hours
Where I experienced the depth of a nightmare's power
Till at last the light had faded out
And I wandered to fill this empty art,
A canvas ruined by the blackest paint
The city's lights claiming a promising landscape only feigned-
Desperation disguised as imagination,
And apathy pretended that I was truly happy when
In actuality a child screamed inside,
One who'd give anything to see the light of your eyes
Redemption
I have waited on you many years,
Hidden by the night
But you sought me as a gentleman,
Set to make this right
The story of my dusty soul
Started many years ago
But... I hear you in the distance
And I know that I must go;
For you have leapt the mountains,
And danced upon the seas
You have stolen my affection
As you waited here for me
To all of my defenses, you called for them to cease
And at once I was lost in your eyes
As the one who has found her peace
I started to believe you would never find me here
But even in the darkness I knew that you were near
Night rendered me lost, I was abandoned by the sun
But you fought to bring me Light
Though the darkness was my own
As I limped on paths abandoned
You carried me away
Out from ash--filled valleys
Into the light of day
My Beloved's
In the quiet dark my restless heart still beats
With an aching that sorrow could never defeat
When I've lost all else this one reality stays true
My soul was formed to brazenly run after You
Sometimes I'm still too weak to stand
And all I see withers in this dry and dusty land
You seem so far yet I'm the one walking away
But with whispers of beauty, you call me to stay
So I'll run ahead
With my eyes fixed on you
I seek for nothing less
Than to Gaze on your Beauty
Through the darkest depths,
Only your light stays true
So dearest Jesus,
I'll stay madly in love with You
So I'll run where you call me to,
Not for my sake but so that I know you deeper
And yours is the acceptance I crave
Oh, Eternal one, my heart has sought you out
I could be content with nothing else,
Being in your arms right now
You are beauty from before all else that lives
And worthy of more than everything I could give.
And above all else, I'll stay madly in love with you
He is Mine (Vows of the Bride)
I promise before you to respect Your name,
Knowing you are Holy and good
but also wild and free, refusing to be tamed
I vow to set myself apart for you alone
that apart from you I belong to none
I promise to seek you before all else, that
I might never be desensitized to your voice.
I vow to learn the balance of Beloved and
Lord, that I could bow and love in purity
Him whom I adore.
I promise to never seek out a plan B,
And to make you the only Beauty my eyes can see
I will daily waste it all for you,
The only one whose love is true
Daily I will meditate on the words you have spoken
Until every doubt and misconception be broken
I will walk with you day by day,
Content to listen to your gentle whispers
Leading my way
I promise I will not hide away the gentle
Spirit you have given, but rather let purity
be the identity I dwell in.
Intentionally, I will live for your Beauty and Glory,
Refusing to allow the insignificant to cloud your Story.
I will rise while the world yet sleeps,
That firstfruits of wisdom and Kindness I might reap
To provide for your children in love,
I will produce for them more than enough
I vow to remain vigilant in nights of long suffering
That I might not be found lacking when the wedding bells ring
Daily will I open my heart so you might heal
The broken scattered parts
I promise to prepare your family for days of darkness,
To let my home be kept pure when all else has turned to mess
That in all responsibility laid upon me
I would take on with dignity and grace,
That I might be found surpassing the rest in purity and Godliness
when at last I see you face to face.
I vow to live a life of rest and peace,
Always found content in your heart, not striving to please.
I promise to dance with you, not for,
In all my years, now and forevermore.
In sickness and health, whether in times of peace or madness
That your Glory be manifest in my willing weakness.
Never will I give myself to another
As long as you remain the perfect Lover.
I give you permission to take everything,
It's all only for you.
I'm letting Go that you might make me New.
