The Playground- Part I

Apathy-
Running up a slide I went down without noticing,
Down the deep hole seeped with lies-
Deceptions I fell for,
Falling softly, the Piper seducing me,
Reducing me to carnal flesh,
Leading me here- to this place I feared I'd come
Down the Rabbit Hole my Spirit heart was never meant to go-
Slipping down this slide
To a place where I can hide
So well
No one knows I've gone missing.
Kissing my alluring Tempter while they see
Only a mask of smiles and okays

Because I've wasted these days in weary anger,
Too tired to have even desired answering that illusive question,
"What's wrong?"
It's always been easier for me to hide in the shadows with Pain,
My seductive companion,
Who hides in the playground of my confused
And plays kind

As if he is the only one who understands,
Who will stand by me.
And I fall for him.
Every time,
With every enticing rhyme of his
Drawing me closer to the edge of this slide
Until-

Here I am,
Externally fine,
But in my mind?
The term they use is backslidden.

I might say "upcrawling,"
Falling again,
Slipping every time back down because
Truthfully?
I don't know what's waiting at the top,
And so this Apathy causes me to stop halfway....

And I don't know what I want.